Not Alone
by cursed-images
Summary: a college AU, because someone can never have enough of those! This story contains many sensitive subjects, so don't say I didn't warn you. Also lams. Lots of lams. Too much lams to handle.


**Trigger warning. If you are uncomfortable with self harm, hurricanes, mentions of suicide attempts, abuse and other stuff of that nature, please don't read.**

 **Alexander's POV**

 _I was officially alone. I looked around my home, the whole town completely destroyed. I saw mutilated bodies everywhere, people I knew. A few of them, I had actually enjoyed their company. I could barely recognise most of them. I remembered all of their taunts. I know that shouldn't care that all of the people who had harassed me growing up were dead, but as I stumbled down the roads, climbing over trees, dragging a broken leg looked everywhere, not finding a single living soul, I heard a sob escape my throat. I collapsed to the cold wet pavement, sobs racking my body. 'You should be dead, like them!' I thought miserably as I cried. 'You're weak and pathetic, and there was a good reason that they all hated you!'_

— **x—**

I woke up on the bus to campus. I earned some weird looks from bolting upright, but I ignored them. It was my first year at king's college. I was only here because people felt bad for him after the hurricane. The disaster happened a little over a year ago, but it still plagued him with nightmares. I had been in the foster system up until last night, when I had flown down to New York for college. You'd think that one year in the NYC foster system wouldn't be that bad, well you'd be wrong. Most families don't want a loud, rude, worthless, depressed seventeen year old, who was prone to panic attacks, when they could have a cute little nine year old. So the families I usually got placed with, were cruel. They often beat me, and at best, neglected me. I'd been removed from 5 homes in the past year, and that's just in New York. The Nevis foster system was much worse. I stared out the window as the shuttle pulled onto the campus. King's college was beautiful. I grabbed my duffel bag that carried my few possessions. I hummed a tune that my mother used to sing to me.

— **x—**

When I arrived at my dorm, I found half of the room taken. It was already pretty messy. There were paints of every color scattered around on a desk, next to an easel and some canvas. There was a canary in a small cage next to the bed, tweeting quite loudly. I smiled a bit and took the other half of the room, setting my computer on the second small desk and unloading my few other possessions. I walked into the small kitchen, seeing a mini fridge, a microwave, a small oven, and a coffee maker. "Thank god" I sighed, immediately reminding myself to keep my coffee addiction in check. "Maybe this won't be that bad." I said to myself. "Oh I'm sure it will be great!" I spun around at the other voice. I saw a boy around my height, a bit taller, with curly auburn hair and blue eyes, and so many freckles, smiling at me. "Hi, I'm John!" The boy said enthusiastically. "Alexander Hamilton. My friends call me Alex. At least they would if I had any friends." I smiled back at John as he chuckled a bit. "Is that your bird?" I asked dumbly. ' _What kind of question was that? Of course that's his bird dumbass!'_ John looked over at the loud bird. "Yeah. Her name is sunny. Sorry if she's loud, but I couldn't leave her back home." John frowned a bit as if remembering something unpleasant. "It's alright. I can tell you care about her." I replied quickly. I noticed John studying me and subconsciously tugged my sleeve over my wrist, hiding some faint scars. John nodded. "Hey, Alex? It's alright if I call you that right? I know we're not really friends." I studied John's face and decided the he was being sincere. "Of course you can John." John smiled wider. "Yay! Wanna go grab a coffee? I know a really good café nearby." I grinned wide. "Hell yeah! Coffee is the only thing keeping me awake, and I haven't had my daily 5 cups yet!" I laughed. He laughed too. "5 cups? You're kidding!" I shook my head. "Not at all." John walks out the dorm room door. I glance at my sleeves quickly. ' _Oh god. He's really cute... what if he finds out? Then he'll hate you like everyone else.'_ I thought miserably, before following.

— **x—**

The small café was quite lovely. The barista looked at me and immediately smiled at John. "John, I take over your shift for ten minutes, and you go and get a boyfriend? You should've warned me!" I feel my face redden, and John's does too. "Shut up Maria." He muttered. "Alex, this is Maria. Maria, this is Alex. He's my roommate." I manage a small smile at Maria. "Hey." She waves and looks back to John, grinning. "So, the usual for you, and what for the pretty boy?" I smiled playfully. "I'll just have black coffee. No cream or anything." I handed her some cash, but she handed it back. "It's on me. The least I can do is give you your drinks for free and ignore the way you two clearly like each other." John started to say something, but Maria turned and began to make our drinks. John sighs and leads me to a table. "Sorry about Maria. She's always trying to hook people up. Especially since her and Elizabeth Schuyler started dating." I nod. "Elizabeth Schuyler?" I think for a moment. "Isn't she Peggy's sister?" I ask. "Yeah. How do you know Peggy?" I smile. "She was my first friend in New York." John smiles. "You're not from here either? I grew up in South Carolina, and moved here a few years ago. Where did you come from?" He asks, grinning at me, his eyes sparkling. 'God those eyes are amazing' I think. "Nevis. It's in the Caribbean." I frown, answering automatically, hoping he wouldn't pry. "Nevis? I've heard that before… oh yeah! Wasn't there a hurricane there last year?" I look down. "Maybe there's a different Nevis somewhere." I mutter. "Oh… ok." He looks a bit hurt that I might not trust him. "So uhh, wanna head back to the dorm? I'm pretty tired." He asks and smiles again. "Yeah. Let's do that." I stand up and throw my cup away before walking out.

— **x—**

That night I sit at my computer, typing away. I was working on an essay about gay rights. John had read over my shoulders for a while, until he became tired and went to bed. I look down at my wrists. I sigh and close my laptop and lean back in my chair. I scan my desk. There's already a stack of papers surrounding the new printer. On one corner of the desk is a bowl of ramen John made for me, but I never ate. Next to the bowl of ramen sits my phone. I check it only to reread a text from my last day of high school. [you're such a loser Alex. Just kill yourself. It'll be better for all of us.] I stared at the message. It was sent so long ago, yet I often reread it, reminding me that I'll never be good enough, never be good for anything at all. The worst part of the message was that it was sent by my best friend at the time. I felt tears well in my eyes and ran to the bathroom. I rummaged around in my stuff until I found it. My razor blade. I sat in the bathtub and made a small cut on my wrist. "They don't want you here Alex. They don't want to deal with you Alex." I told myself, believing it, making the cuts deeper and deeper with each word I spoke. Then I heard someone enter the bathroom. "Alex what are you doing in here?" I'm thankful for the closed shower curtain, as he doesn't see my wrists. "Go away, I'm busy." He must've heard the tears, because he didn't even argue as he left. I took a deep breath and put some bandages on the cuts and pulled my hoodie sleeves back over my arms and left the bathroom. John was sitting at the end of the bed with his arms crossed. "Why were you crying in the bathtub at midnight Alex?" He asked me gently. I took a deep breath and shrugged, subconsciously pulling my sleeves farther down. "I felt sick." I lied. John eyed me suspiciously. "Alright. Do you want to stay home from your lectures tomorrow?" He asked, concerned. I quickly shook my head. "Of course not." He studied my face and I looked away. "If you say so Alex. At least get some sleep." I nod, knowing that I either wouldn't sleep, or get nightmares. But I lay down anyways, curling up on my bed and counting softly in french. "Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, dix…" I murmur quietly. Soon enough, I fell asleep.

— **x—**

 _There I was again, my right leg crushed and trapped under that fallen beam, while the remains of my foster home filled with water quickly. The pain was excruciating. "This is how it all ends..." I whisper to myself. I continue trying to get my leg out when I hear that the rain has stopped. With a final tug and a scream I get my leg out from the beam as the water stopped coming in. I managed to get out of the building, only for the rain to have finally stopped. There was an eerie silence and the sky was a beautiful yet terrifying shade of amber. I saw the body of little Charlotte, who I had tutored in school. I choked back a sob. She was so young, only 12. I look back down at my leg, knowing it was definitely broken. I collapsed from the pain, blacking out._

— **x—**

I wake up in bed, my leg throbbing where a beam had fallen on it a year ago. I look over at John, looking at me worried. "Alex, are you ok?" Looking at him I can tell that he hasn't truly suffered a day in his life. ' _Must be good, not ever having faced true hardship. Always being happy, well fed, never alone…'_ I couldn't help but think bitterly. I shake my head. It's unfair how some people never have to face anything hard, when that's all others face. It makes me mad whenever I see someone complain about the heat of their coffee, or no service. Those were such little problems, when people like me face problems like hurricanes and so much death. I find myself scowling at him. "Im fine." I mutter. I feel a bit bad. It's not his fault that he's had a good life. "Alex, are you sure you're ok?" I glare at him. "I said I'm fine! What more do you want me to say?" I snap, standing up and walk over to my desk. "Geez, I was only worried about you…" he mumbled, looking away from me. I look down at my laptop, feeling sick.


End file.
